Here's a bit of fun I wrote a while back before I started the blog and which the folks at the Womble Underground Press (http://www.wupgb.co.uk/) were kind enough to publish in the fanzine. See how many of these you've come across...
Franchise customers and
the weak-shit arguments they will put up
1. The ex-Wimbledon fan
The guilt and hatred
run deep with the few of these one runs into. Without exception they
have the shared delusion that we left our club too early in 2002.
(Picture them huddled together on a frozen, empty concourse in MK,
chanting the mantra “You abandoned the club” in a vain effort to
keep warm and to bolster their fragile psyches.) Astounding though it
is, these people have constructed a world in their heads in which the
fans could somehow have stopped Wimbledon FC going to Milton Keynes
after the FA Commission verdict. The fact that not one of them –
ever – has come up with a plausible way that could happen, even
with hindsight, still doesn't shake their absurd belief. One cannot
argue with illogical denial on this scale – these people are simply
mad, wrong and best avoided. No logical argument registers with them
on any level. The best you can do is point out that on 29th
May 2002 we expected WFC to play the following season in MK and
therefore had to re-form a club immediately so that we had a team to
watch that season. Also point out that it's not our fault that Koppel
and Winkelman were so incompetent that the move didn't happen for a
further 18 months. None of this will dent the dogmatic belief of the
delusional ex-Womble, but it will register with any neutrals
witnessing or participating in the exchange – and that's the best
you can do. (Unless interventions to de-program cult brainwashing are
possible, but I'd only recommend that if you're unfortunate enough to
have a close relative that's this certifiable.)
2. The Arsenal
historian
This smug git will trot
out the notion that because Arsenal moved from Woolwich to north
London in 1913 it establishes them as the first franchised club in
England and somehow, inexplicably, makes WFC moving to MK more
acceptable. Easy peasy this one – it was within London, there were
no rules to prevent it at the time, the pyramid didn't exist and
promotion and relegation were regularly tinkered with. Point out that
the Arsenal scenario was precisely why rules to prevent clubs moving
were introduced! Thus, anyone using this argument is basically saying
it's OK to write off 90 years of progress and development and return
to 1913's rule-less world. As justifications go it's hopeless and
should just be laughed at. Arsenal weren't a precedent franchise,
they were the warning shot that should have still been heard loud and
clear in 2002 by the FA Commission.
3. Mr
Think-of-the-children
This one really sticks
in the craw – the adults who claim they went along to Franchise
because their children wanted to and that these children are just
watching their local football club, so it's OK. Anyone using this
cowardly argument simply doesn't deserve to be called an adult – it
is pathetic to hide behind one's children, using them as a human
shield against all criticism. It's despicable and simply should not
be countenanced. Far from accepting this argument it should be
rejected point blank as cowardice and a failure to accept one's
responsibilities as an adult.
The wrinkle with this
one is the increasing number of now maturing children in MK who did
just want to watch a football club and were taken to Franchise by a
parent. What does one say to them? I've no answer to that one. All I
can tell you is that some of the teenagers I've encountered have been
so misinformed and ignorant of the truth that it's tantamount to
brainwashing. It's hardly surprising when you know they've been
hanging about with the rest of the nutters on this list!
4. The legal smeagol
Now this nasty gollum
of a character takes refuge in the supposed defence that “everything
was legal” and therefore Wimbledon's football club and Football
League place were not stolen from its fans. Do not get sucked into
this pointless tangent. It didn't need to be illegal to be wrong.
Plus, what recompense did Wimbledon fans get for having our club
taken away? None. And when they bring out the fact that we didn't
'own' the club, just ask them whether they are an integral part of
their football club or not, because that's one they simply can't get
round. Either they are part of their club (legally or not) or they
have to concede they aren't really a football fan as we know it, but
just a customer of a business.
5. The ignorant moron
Astonishingly one still
encounters a cretinous few that come up with the 'argument' (for want
of a better term) that we were poorly supported and didn't try hard
enough to keep our club and that this somehow justifies what
happened. Beggars belief, I know, but these neanderthal
knuckle-draggers are still out there. To be honest, trying to reason
with these idiots is as pointless as I hope Franchise are every
season. You could waste your breath for hours explaining that a small
support doesn't justify moving a club or that we did everything we
could (legally) to stop the move, but at the end of it they'd still
parrot back the same line at you. Sadly, science hasn't found a cure
for sheer stupidity yet.
6. The media
conspiracist
There's been quite a
few sightings of this whining baby just lately, because of us
regaining Football League status and all the publicity. Their line
goes like this... “I'm happy for AFC but I wish the media would
stop believing and printing all the lies about us and produce
something balanced.” They really think that we've somehow
influenced the media or that everyone doesn't really know what
happened! Can you believe it? These newbie know-nothings think
everyone else doesn't know what went on! Best thing here is to ask
them to come up with the 'lies' and then (IF they come up with
anything) shoot down whatever nonsense they've imagined isn't true.
As we all know, there are nearly always inaccuracies in any press
report on the subject, but this notion that it isn't 'balanced' is
just wishful thinking and needs exposing as such.
7. The special case
apologist
There are a few who
will genuinely dare to tell you that Milton Keynes was a special case
and deserved to have the rules broken for them. They will tell you it
was unreasonable for them to have to compete with longer established
towns and teams because they had only been around since the 1960s.
They will even tell you that the special dispensations and
encouragements given to companies to relocate there should apply to a
football team! Hard to know what to say to them – except to point
out the mockery this line of argument makes of MK being a 'can do'
place. Oh... and just when they think you might be stumped, point out
that if Stevenage could do it, then so could MK have. Job done.
8. The delusional
optimist
This regular visitor
has also been seen of late, making the same baseless prediction they
have for the last 9 years. Every time something happens involving
Wimbledon, up they pop to predict that now everyone will see through
us, that all our misdeeds will be revealed and that we'll all be
shown up as nasty people. These twits have been predicting the
football world turning against us from day one and it is a triumph of
wishful thinking over experience. You'd think they would have
realised by now that most fans despised what was done to Wimbledon
and love what we've achieved in the last nine years – and nothing
is going to change that. So, this dimwit doesn't even need answering,
except with a smug smile of satisfaction that they will be
permanently disappointed.
9. The mud grubber
Battered down by having
to face the facts, some customers try to make themselves feel better
by saying Wimbledon have screwed Kingstonian. Now we all know that
sharing a ground with another team isn't ideal, but Kingstonian are
now in a much better situation than they were when we arrived at
Kingsmeadow and that is, in no small way, down to Wimbledon. I'll
spare you most of the detail as you probably already know it, but
when the 'mud grubber' tries to tell you we did the dirty on
Kingstonian's Trust's attempt to buy the ground, all that's needed is
to point out that we were still in the process of helping them even
set up a Trust and it would have been many months and probably years
before it could have attempted to raise even a fraction of what we
did to buy the ground from Khosla. On this one, just acquaint
yourself with the facts and, as with everything else, don't be shy of
repeating them because we have nothing to hide.
10. The shit geographer
It is positively the
last resort of the desperate scoundrel to bring up the fact that we
aren't in Merton or Wimbledon itself. Yes, we would like to be, but
we are a short bus ride or reasonable walk away from Wimbledon, so
this nonsense is easily shot down. It is ironic in the extreme that
Franchise customers defending the 60 mile move, then try slagging us
off for being just a stone's throw from home. Always worth pointing
out that a small boundary change could even put Kingsmeadow in
Merton! And those boundary changes happen quite often too. Basically,
this one's laughable and laughing at whoever argues this crap is the
way to go.
11. The council hater
Now this may be a bit
controversial even amongst our own support, but you will encounter
Franchise customers who blame Merton council for everything... and I
mean everything, which is utter nonsense. Merton screwed up by
allowing the covenant on Plough Lane to be removed, but , like
everyone else, they believed it was so the club could redevelop the
land to include a football stadium. At worst they were as guilty as
nearly all of the rest of us of not having sufficient foresight.
Merton council didn't kill our club, they didn't ever reject a
planning application for a ground and, although at times we would
have liked them to do more of course, it's not a council's job to pay
for football grounds. The council hater is simply trying to shift
blame from where it rightly lies – with Hammam, Koppel, the
Norwegians and Winkelman.
12. The dictionary
delver
You can have such fun
with a certain breed of denier who claims that the word 'franchise'
is being wrongly applied to Franchise FC. They're wrong. Franchise
was coined and stuck because a Football League place was bought by
another town, thereby replicating the North American sports
franchising system. Denying this is futile, but they try to anyway.
The label stuck precisely because it was so accurate and captured the
essence of what had been done. That's all that needs to be said, no
matter how many links get posted to dictionaries that don't even
contradict this link to the US sports franchise system.
12. The continuation
liar
A more recent creation
is the liar that claims Franchise FC is the “legal continuation”
of Wimbledon FC. It isn't. There is simply no argument on this – it
isn't. How nastily pervasive this rubbish is, can be seen from the
fact that mainstream media have fallen for it too, so this one needs
stomping on at every opportunity. How? In 2003 Wimbledon Football
Club Limited (a company owning Wimbledon FC's assets) entered
administration. In 2004 an entirely new company from Milton Keynes
purchased WFC Ltd's assets via a CVA. Wimbledon Football Club Limited
then continued in administration until 2009, when it was wound up.
Hence there is no legal continuation of a football club or anything
else. This one is absolutely black and white – do not accept any
other, incorrect, assertions.
13. The Noades dredger
Some Franchise
customers got so desperate to find something, anything, to throw
back, that they dig up an inglorious episode from the late
1970s-early 1980s, when Ron Noades, Sam Hammam and other Wimbledon FC
directors bought Milton Keynes City. Unbelievably, the claim is that
because of this it somehow justifies what happened in 2002! Now how
does Ron Noades contemplating a move to MK 20 years earlier make it
right that it should happen in 2002?! Beyond belief, I'm sure you'll
agree. As a side note, although the episode is yet more evidence that
Noades and Hammam were out for themselves and not the club, do not
believe the lie that they destroyed MK City, they didn't. They sold
it and it was a couple of years later when it finally floundered, as
with all previous MK clubs due to a lack of local support both in
attendance and from local businesses. It reflects badly on all
concerned, but it in no way excuses the actions of Winkelman and the
Milton Keynes Stadium Consortium in trying to lure Football League
clubs to MK in the late 1990s.
There are more –
there are as many excuses as there are Franchise customers. And
remember, this was a bit of fun, but these delusional history
re-writers are out there and intent on trying to force their twisted,
inaccurate, lying version of things on the world. Don't let it
happen. Counter this crap wherever you find it, because it does still
matter and their increasing volume of lies about Wimbledon and what
was done cannot be allowed to gain any credence, because it makes a
mockery of what Wimbledon fans went through.
